I'm still alive!

Kristen here - Today is Thursday 9/17/09. I've learned a lot since we've come back. I've learned that I hate sitting on by butt all day. I hate being indoors. I hate staring at a tiny computer screen. I hate driving to get my groceries. I hate not having time to do the things I enjoy. I hate being stressed and yelling at everyone because I have no patience. I hate being hyper emotional because I don't know what our future holds. I hate trying to figure out how I'm going to work full time and still home school the children. But most of all, more that all these things put together times a million, I hate not being with my husband and kids all the time.

The fact that this is so heart wrenching to deal with tells me that families were meant to be together like we have been. Even after a few days of being apart, Casey and Kaitlin said they hate not being with us. I felt the same way. I try to tell myself that this is not forever, it is only temporary. We used to live like this, we can do it again for a while. We've only been gone for 8 months. Snap out of it.

At the office, when I'm sitting at my desk, every time I hear footsteps I hope it's one of the kids coming to see me. I can chat with them for a bit, but then I have to ask them to return to the training room so I can work. They've been spending most of their time in the training room, playing on the computers. We also have an x-box set up in the kitchen area. Tomorrow I think I'll bring some school books for them to peruse.

We're still in the process of obtaining this years school books. As soon as we get them we'll officially start school.

I think back to when we went to the last Annapolis boat show. We went to a cruising family seminar. I sat and listened to one family talk about how it was no problem to transition from a cruising life back to a land life. I remember thinking at the time that they were insane. I was right. Either that or they were being paid off! When we visited our friends from AllyCat after they returned home, they said they were having trouble being back as well. Now I understand.

I miss the simple life. There were few choices, so you rarely had to choose. OK, so there was the occasional life threatening storm, but its worth it. We had to pull together, deal with the storm and then it was over. Now the threats are more complex and dealing with them is out of our control and they go on forever. There is no definitive end. Now there is no satellite weather showing when the cloud will pass over you. Come to think of it, there is no warning when the cloud will hit either.

I guess I can't expect sympathy. Everyone has to work, it's a fact of life. But to have found happiness and have it ripped away from you is difficult. When we left I was at my wits end. Maybe that's why I wanted to go so badly. Then I found a life where I didn't have to exercise my butt off at 6 in the morning to remain skinny. I could sit and read a book for more than 5 minutes and not fall asleep. And even if I did fall asleep it was OK. My husband was happy. The children were learning, happy, and being active. Now its back to wits end again.

The good side? I've learned that Chris is truly a changed man. He is much happier dealing with all of this than I ever dreamed he would be. Our trip really has changed him. I would almost go so far as to say he has become an optimist! Well maybe not that big of a change, but he has a better outlook on life than he used to. It's funny because I used to be the positive one, and Chris would be the one planning on the world coming to an end. Now I'm the one curled up in a little ball, and he's the one saying that I'm crazy and everything will be fine.

Time will tell, and it's nothing short of "H E double hockey sticks" working and waiting to see what happens. And even if we end up stopping here, I will always be grateful for the life changing opportunity we have had. But that won't happen, and I know we'll be back out there soon!!!!!!!!!

On the lighter side, Casey and I made this totally awesome camp stove this past weekend! If you go to instructables.com and look up penny stove you'll find it. It really works and it's free to make. So far we've roasted marshmallows and crescent rolls dipped in cinnamon sugar over it. The thing is truly amazing, and it collapses into the size of a three inch tall juicy juice can! Oh, and we only blew it up once. Remember...not *too* much fuel in the priming area.

So life isn't too miserable. We're having fun still when we can. I apologize for not writing, but it's much easier to ignore everything rather than hash it all out again here. Keep your fingers crossed, and stimulate the economy! Poke it hard if you have to! Buy a car! And if you know of anyone who needs an IT solution in the upstate NY and surrounding area, send them to www.dandd.com. Buy a router! We need to keep sailing!